journey - a loyal teacher

in 1 of the poems that i have to teach, it was mentioned that journey was a loyal teacher. it means that through journey we will learn. i would like to share an experience that had actually taught me to be thankful.

2 finish my diploma, i need to undergo a practical training in any hotels in msia. at that time, i was studying hotel management course & i was instructed to go to a resort in port dickson. being independent, i called my friend & arranged a place to stay before registering at the resort. so, i went to melaka & my friend drove me to PD. after i registered, a lady asked me whether i need a place to stay for the whole 3 mths of my training. she said that her mom had a room to let. i accepted as the resort offered transport to pick & send me to work.

i went to the rental the next day after work. an old & warm lady was waiting for me. she even prepared a cup of coffee. the house was old, dark & quiet. the old lady then introduced herself as 'nenek' & told me she is living there with her 3 grandchildren. 2 boys & 1 girl. the house next door is her 2nd daughter's house & the lady who told me bout the rental is nenek's 3rd child. she is living in the opposite house. so, they r actually living near to each other.

nenek only wanted me to pay rm250 for the room, inclusive of the food she'll cook for me & the utility bill. there was no tv in the house, only a small, old radio for entertainment. if i want to watch tv she said, i could always go to her daughter's house next door. i only smiled because i knew my time would only be filled with working in the resort.

my room was small & there's only 1 antique bed, a cupboard & a dressing table. enough for me at that time. i really missed my home most of the time because i was living with strangers & they r not my family. i became friends with nenek's granddaughter, mimi. she was only 15, yet, she was working as a housekeeper in apartment building a stone throw from our house. she is chubby, funny & patient. i asked her why was she not in school studying like girls at her age. she was reluctant to tell but she said she needed to do so. i didnt ask more cause she looked sad talking bout it.

one of nenek's grandson was a 9 yr old boy, amin. he would always pick a fight with mimi & rebelled towards all her words. he would simply take mimi's candies from where she secretly keep them & ate in purposely in front of her asking for a fight. although mimi was older, she sumtimes acted like a 9 yr old too in fighting. funny to both me & nenek, we often laughed at them.

the other grandson was fahmi, 19 yrs old & was working at a construction site near teluk kemang beach. he was really quiet & shy. we seldom talk & he spent most of his time working. nenek said, he is her first grandson.

i forgot to mention that nenek walked 3km a day to her working place as a 'roti canai' maker in a mamak stall. on her way back, she would drop by at the market & buy fish for us 2 eat later. for 3 mths, i didnt eat any other things except fish & eggs. that was what nenek could afford for us. so, whenever i got extra money (occasionally, when my dad bank in money for rental etc), i gave some to her to buy chicken for us. for them, it's a luxury to eat chicken but i eat chicken almost everyday at home. the fish that nenek used to buy were small fish & the cheapest of the lot in the market. i didnt have any financial income to help nenek & i felt so sad looking at her walking to work everyday. she was, at that time, 56 yrs old.

days passed, i realised that all of her children r not only neglecting her but only taking advantage of her. the 2 of her married daughters, would simply came in the evening & asked her what was there for dinner & sumtimes, went to the kitchen cabinet & ransacked it to find food. i hated their ignorance & cruelty but who was i to say anything. nenek would usually, looked at me with tearful eyes & shame.

if only nenek was my own grandmother, i would've taken her away & let her rest. it was not her time to still work for money as all of her children r supposed to care for her. give her money & place to stay. however, it was not like that. they r still troubling her & let her suffer. therefore, i avoid myself to see them whenever they came to ask anything from nenek as i thought it would make hate them more.

one day, a lady came to our house. she brought along a toddler & her husband. she called nenek & asked her for money. she then asked bout mimi. she was at work & amin was still in school. i was working the night shift that day. nenek introduced her as mimi's mother. i was confused as mimi never spoken of her mother. the lady went off & then, mimi arrived. nenek told mimi bout her & mimi went crying on the stairs outside the house. i was puzzled & went to her. in tears, mimi told me that she hated the lady. her own mother. she would come & go asking for money from her or nenek. she never cared for mimi or amin. amin?? yup, the boy was actually her brother of the same mother. mimi said that both of them were given to nenek since they were babies & none of them knew their fathers. it seems, the mother was a wild one & they are the side effects. they r x wanted to her so, nenek was chosen to take them. mimi was crushed by it everyday. she couldnt stop questioning herself why her mother did it to them. why the mother r not like other mothers. i couldnt say anything right to her except to hug speechlessly.

mimi was too young to be challenged with such horrifying facts of life. she was too young to decipher that adults r not saints although they r our own biological parents. the mother kept coming for more money afterwards as mimi was promoted to a better position in the apartment. the mother, guiltless, could look me in the eye & chat happily bout her new husband. i was raging with temper but i took off politely everytime, for nenek & for mimi. whenever she drop in, she would instantly request for money & never bother to ask bout her children. to her, her children there, were pieces of worthless meat. there are moments where i felt of slapping her in the face for what she was doing to the kids. mimi could at least tell me what she felt but amin was so affected by it that he became so wild & rebellious. how should a 9 yr old boy express his feelings to sumthg like this? he could only rebel, be naughty & lead himself to self-destruction.

i am not from a wealthy family, yet, i could eat watever i want. entertainment at home is endless. my parents are strict but they r both so loving & protective to me since i was born. i complained of how my friends could spend their days in KFC or McD whenever my parents said they dont wanna go there. i sumtimes wish that i could wear branded shoes to school once. i even hope that my dad is richer. all that dissapear after i knew nenek's family. how i was lucky to be me compared to mimi, amin & nenek. i am thankful that i was born as a child to my mother who cares & acknowledges me as her daughter. i am thankful that i am able to know my father & love him. i am thankful that my parents had done so much to educate me & ensure that i'll succeed one day. i am thankful that God had made me realised that i should be thankful for i have.

it's been 10 yrs since i last seen them. i mean nenek, mimi & amin. after my training in PD, i went there once with a friend to visit. mimi had a better job & nenek was waiting for her turn to go for haj. then, i was busy with my own life up until now. however, they remain so close to my heart till today as they had actually taught me to be contented & thankful.

ignorance is bliss?

encountering ignorant people is rather annoying most of the time. u'll be torn between getting away of that particular person or sit n listen 2 watever they might say. i would like to share my views about 3 different species of ignorant individuals who seems to be happy with themselves n disastrous to others :>

subject 1: a novice & constantly bragging bout her expertise.

humans do have a sense of proud in themselves n require acknowledgement from others. it is our nature. it is not wrong but when u simply ask for it publicly & brag to others what u've done in the line of duty, people around will definitely feel uneasy. she seems to be fine with it & there seems to be a dire need for her to tell everyone a single thing bout wat she did, does, doing n will do. a pain to deal with mentally. sumtimes, when she opens her mouth or even appear in the room, everybody's face is sending a clear msg of boredom or "here-we-go-again" sign. she would still, in her weird & guiltless manner, keep on rambling bout her second to second activities. sumbody should start a study on her on the reasons why she couldnt stop telling others unnecessary things around. i hope God will send sum1 to do it soon.

subject 2: glittery parade

a rare case to be studied by scientist but it's true. i knew a lady from a friend. i couldnt believe my eyes yet, i pretended to be cool with it. she is in her mid 40 & she is glittery from top to toe everytime i meet her. her dress, scarf, handbag & even her shoes r bedazzled with heavy beads & sequins. she will make sure there's 3 sets of brooches & 2 sets of pins (sparkling too) for her scarf. whenever my eyes set on her, i couldnt help it to think, does she realise that she shouldnt be that 'fashionable' to work & she is actually creating a commotion with the way she dress? as i believe & practise simplicity, she is way out of my league. i couldnt imagine myself with such taste & style. from my humble observation, she is happy with the attention & rolling of the eyes from spectators around.

subject 3: one man show

this particular guy is a typical man physically. nothing outstanding & frail at times. he is the one who seems to know it all. he will share all his tales & experiences specifically his journey overseas. working in his area provide opportunities for him to work in foreign lands. yup, he is impressive at first, then it'll all cause sleepiness & total boredom which could lead to nose bleed & brain damage (hihi, exaggerating a bit here). the problem is, he would over & over again shares the same story to everyone he sees or meet & the one who already knew the story would definitely suffer from nose bleed again. :> this is the perfect candidate for human social inapt study.

the three subjects remain unaware or possibly choose to be ignorant of what people think bout them. they possibly apply i-dont-care-wat-u-think principle in their lives. it works for them but other beings related to them had actually learned to tolerate their ignorance towards others perceptions & thoughts. whether IGNORANCE IS BLISS, you decide then.

what single means

i've always use 'busy' as the excuse not to find time with my friends as i find myself inadequate in a way. i'm still single yet most of them r married. it's the biggest hinderance for me 2 meet them as i feel awkward & probably ashamed bout it. being single i mean

im x the only one 'single' in the world. the word single is terrifying & for some, devastating when age comes into the picture. age is just a number they say but when the 4 0 strikes, then u'll be working ur mind towards the question "why am i still alone?"

it'll be years for me to reach that stage & seeing a good friend of mine who is still 'alone' in that area is actually unexplainable by words. at times, u'll say to yourself "ill be ok if i'm there". at times, "i think i can manage things on my own as i've been doing it now myself". at times, "i dont even care if it truly happens 1 day"

yet, there's always this one odd feeling inside. i call it EMPTINESS.

through a thoughtful discussion with my fellow comrades ( the singles ladies of course ), all of us actually shares that particular feeling in different ways. my best friend said her EMPTINESS happens when she is fighting through her tight schedule of handling her nephew & nieces (she is the legal caretaker as their mother passed away of cancer), her job & her travel. She is alone in this & somewhere along the way, when she needs support & care the most, there's only her there doing it with all her might. i always see her as a real SUPERWOMAN but deep down in her heart, she is empty and hollow. days pass, she becomes cold & senseless. her care is a responsibility & she doubted her own sincerity in doing all her duties. is this the feelings cause by the EMPTINESS of her heart?

another story shared by a friend of mine is an EMPTINESS of a different kind. a lady proposed for marriage numerous time, had always said NO for unknown reasons. she lives alone with her mother & still develops queries among people of why she rejected every single marriage proposals she received. one day however, her mother fell terribly ill of stroke. she is petite & carrying the mother to the bathroom is actually way out of her league. there, it strikes her that a man is needed in the house to help her with this. the EMPTINESS here is the need of another stronger human being to help her & to ensure her safety in the house as well. love is not even discussed here as for her there is no NEED for it.

a woman being single nowadays is a common affair. a normal practice some say. the rate however is increasing. worrying for some group namely PARENTS and mothers especially. my mother including. yet, the best thing about her is the positive thoughts that she always put in me about being patient. she is the epitome of fruitful patience. with her patience & resilience, she manages to hold on to her marriage for 34 years through all the ups & downs. patience is blissful in a way no one can explain & hopefully, all the SINGLE LADIES out there will do so.